5 Things We Absolutely Love About Princeton Professor Satyel Larson

Why conservative critics are wrong about this Israel-hating titan of academia

August 16, 2023

Editor's noteIt has come to our attention that Professor Satyel Larson identifies as "nonbinary" and uses "she/they" pronouns. We have updated the article accordingly by making no changes. 

What happened: Conservatives pounced on reports that an upcoming "trauma studies" course at Princeton will feature a controversial book accusing Israel's "settler colonial regime" of deliberately maiming Palestinians for profit, and suggesting black people be considered "disabled" due to systemic racism.

Why it matters: The course, "The Healing Humanities: Decolonizing Trauma Studies from the Global South," is taught by Satyel Larson, assistant professor of Near Eastern studies at Princeton.

• The Ivy League university deserves credit for promoting inclusivity. Most of the Israel-haters Princeton hosts on campus—Zaid Chaudhary, Mohammed El-Kurd, and Hossein Mousavian, among others—are men of color. Professor Larson, a white female redhead, brings a valuable diverse perspective to the university's stable of anti-Semites, as will Robert Malley, the disgraced former Biden envoy to Iran who had his security clearance revoked.

• An expert on numerous subjects including colonialism, postcolonialism, resistance, social marginalization, gender, sexuality, and science, Larson is writing a book about "how European secular colonial ideas of calculability underlie the postcolonial governance of reproduction and reproductive female bodies in contemporary Morocco." Interesting!

• Conservative critics may scoff at Larson's résumé. They may snicker at the content of her courses. We believe this rush to judgment is regrettable, a symptom of the increasingly toxic discourse that pervades our polarized society.

Counterpoint: We reject this groupthink. Professor Larson has talent, and we at the Washington Free Beacon would be lying if we did not acknowledge it.

Five things we love about Professor Satyel Larson:

1) She has a beautiful mind.

2) She's resourceful.

3) She doesn't judge.

4) She respects the First Amendment. 

5) She's just as comfortable chilling on the back porch as she is teaching in the classroom.

What she said: We reached out to Professor Larson seeking answers to the following questions, but have yet to hear back. Stay tuned for updates.

• Are you single?

• Ready to mingle?

• Which dating apps do you prefer?

• How tall are you?

• What are your interests/hobbies?

• Do you have any (female) siblings?

• Are you a dog person or a cat person?

• Have you ever dated a Jewish man (or woman)?

• Would you be open to dating a Jewish man (or woman)?

• Would you be open to co-teaching a class with incoming professor Robert Malley?

• Do you accept follow requests on Instagram?